SIX - A Filthy Christmas Miracle by James Crow

Author:James Crow [Crow, James]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-11-30T16:00:00+00:00

The coffee sobers me a bit. That and the fact the statue is back on the hearth. My girls are sitting together on the other sofa, coffee cups in hand, chattering away. Their skin is flushed. Suki is a warm pink all over. Rope marks pattern their knees and their backs like miniature tyre tracks.

Emma turns to look at me, gorgeous eyes twinkling. ‘We’ve hatched a filthy plan,’ she says.

‘Tell me,’ I say, grinning right back.

‘You’ll never guess.’

There’s a fresh movie starting up on screen – Carry On Screaming – that makes me smile. I like that movie. Odd choice for a Christmas Eve, though.

The monster on the hearth stares at me. I stare back. Fuck you, I say in my head.

The sound of the front doorbell ringing comes loud through the tannoy. Loud enough to make me fucking jump.

‘Who the fuck could that be?’ I hear myself saying over my thudding heart.

I swipe up the remote and switch to the CCTV. The screen splits in two and shows me the front door. There are twenty or more people there, all with woolly hats and lanterns.

‘Shit, I forgot about the carol singers coming,’ says Emma.

‘Let them in,’ says Suki.

And for a moment, I consider doing so. Consider pressing the intercom button and inviting them to join the party. Oh the joy as they poured into the great hall to join us in our fairy-addled nakedness. I’m sure half the snowflakes would fucking faint.

‘We need to get dressed,’ Emma says.

‘Like fuck we do,’ I say and hit the intercom button, drop my mouth to the small mic on the remote, ‘We’re busy. Happy Christmas and fuck off.’

The shocked little faces looking up at us from the screen have me laughing.

‘You didn’t just do that,’ Emma says. But then she’s laughing too. And Suki’s laughing. And the statue on the hearth is glaring at me. Fuck you, I say in my head.

The sound of the doorbell ringing comes through the tannoy so loud it makes me jolt. A-fucking-gain.

‘Who the fuck?’ On screen, someone is there, in the shadows.

‘You’ll never guess,’ says Emma.

Suki giggles and throws her hands to her mouth.

‘Who’s there?’ I ask into the mic.

No response.

‘You’ll never guess,’ says Emma.

‘Answer it!’ Suki jumps to her feet. ‘Answer it! Answer it!’

I swipe up my robe and wrap it around me, striding towards the doors like a man on a mission. Whoever it is, I’ll either fuck them off, fuck them over, or fuck them. So it’s a win win either fucking way. My laughter echoes around the great hall.

‘You’ll never guess,’ says Emma as I push through the doors.

I march across the foyer to the front doors and peer through the peephole.

My blood freezes and my stomach turns at the sight of her. I’m sure my fucking balls have just shrivelled up and died. It can’t be her… but it is.

Dark curls perfectly set. A cherry red lipstick pout. And sunglasses. Only she would wear sunglasses in the dark. My ex-client. One I thought I’d never set eyes on again.

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